There’s a version of you that runs on empty, and for a long time, you probably thought that was just normal—especially when putting yourself first didn’t feel like an option.
You wake up already thinking about everyone else.
What they need, what they’ll eat, what’s missing, what’s next. Your day fills up quickly with responsibilities, and before you even realise it, you’ve moved through hours of doing, fixing, organising, and giving… without once stopping to check in with yourself.
And somewhere in all of that, you slowly disappear.
I’ve lived this too. Twice, at least.
Going back to work after having my babies was the moment it really hit me. My days were already full, and suddenly I was trying to fit even more into a space that was already stretched. Add a 9 to 5 on top of everything else, and something had to give.
And without really deciding it, that something was me.
I rushed through the day without even checking in with myself. Without pausing for a breath. It was exhausting.
With my second child, it didn’t last as long. I could see it happening quicker. I recognised the feeling, the overwhelm, that constant sense of being behind… and I knew I couldn’t keep going like that.
And so the first thing I did was ask for help. Actually, accept it. And that changed a lot of things.
Why We Keep Putting Ourselves Last
The truth is, you’re not putting yourself last because you don’t care about yourself. It’s actually the opposite.
You care deeply. You want your family to feel supported, fed, and looked after. At the same time, you want things to run smoothly. And somewhere along the way, you’ve learned that being a “good mum” often means being the one who holds everything together.
So naturally, you step in. You fill the gaps. You take on the mental load.
And it feels responsible. It feels like love.
But what often goes unnoticed is that this way of showing up comes at a cost. Because when you’re constantly giving from a place of depletion, you’re not just supporting your family, you’re slowly draining yourself.
The Real Cost of Putting Yourself Last
This isn’t about needing more pampering or finding time for a bubble bath. It goes much deeper than that.
When you’re constantly putting yourself last, you end up living in a low-level state of survival. You’re always reacting to what’s in front of you instead of making intentional choices. Even simple things, like deciding what to cook for dinner, can feel overwhelming because your energy is already stretched.
Over time, this starts to affect how you feel in your own life. You might notice that everything takes more effort than it used to. You feel more tired, more irritable, less patient. Things that should feel simple start to feel heavy.
There’s also a quiet loss of trust in yourself. You tell yourself you’ll plan better, eat better, get organised… but when you don’t follow through, it chips away at your confidence. Not because you’re incapable, but because you’re trying to operate without the support you actually need.
And then there’s your health…in the small daily choices. Skipping meals, grabbing whatever is quickest, not having the time or energy to think about what would truly nourish you. Not moving your body.
What Putting Yourself First Really Means
This is where things often get misunderstood.
Putting yourself first doesn’t mean neglecting your family or suddenly prioritising yourself above everyone else. It’s not about extremes or becoming a completely different person.
It simply means that you stop being the last person on your own list.
It means considering your needs alongside everyone else’s, instead of after everyone else’s. It’s a small shift, but it changes everything.
Because when your needs are supported, even in simple ways, you have more energy, more clarity, and more patience to give. You’re no longer running on empty, and that creates a completely different experience for both you and your family.
What This Looks Like in Real Life
Putting yourself first doesn’t have to look big or dramatic. In fact, the most powerful changes are usually the most practical ones.
This might look like planning your meals in a way that actually supports your week, instead of leaving everything to the last minute. It could mean having food ready in the freezer so you’re not scrambling on your busiest days. Or it might be as simple as literally scheduling in 10 minutes of ‘tea time’ in your calendar, to stop, have a cuppa, and breathe.
These small shifts create space. They remove pressure. And they give you back a sense of control that often feels lost in the day-to-day.
A Simple Way to Start (Without Overwhelm)
If everything feels like too much right now, the last thing you need is a complete overhaul.
Instead, start small.
Think about one moment in your week that consistently feels difficult. Maybe it’s weekday dinners, or that one evening where everything seems to pile up. Instead of trying to fix everything, focus on making just that one moment easier.
Ask yourself what would actually help.
Maybe it’s cooking one extra portion and freezing it for later, or having something simple ready for your busiest day. Maybe it’s 20 minutes to yourself when your husband arrives home. It could even be a shower alone with your thoughts of your favourite tunes.
And once you feel that small sense of ease, it becomes much easier to build from there.
You Don’t Have to Do This Alone
One of the biggest shifts comes from realising that this isn’t about trying harder.
Most women are already trying incredibly hard. The issue isn’t effort, it’s support.
When you don’t have systems in place, everything relies on your energy, your memory, and your motivation. And that’s not sustainable.
But when you start putting simple systems in place, even small ones, things begin to feel lighter. Decisions become easier. Dinners become less stressful. You stop feeling like you’re constantly catching up.
You may be the kind of woman who wants to do everything herself. I can relate. But you know what? There is no badge of honour for women like us. Accept the help.
And slowly, you start to feel like yourself again.
Final thoughts
If you’ve been putting yourself last for a long time, it can feel strange to even consider doing things differently.
But this isn’t about changing everything overnight. It’s about taking one small step toward yourself, in a way that feels realistic and supportive.
Because when you start putting yourself first, even in the smallest ways, you’re not taking anything away from your family.
You’re actually giving them a version of you that feels calmer, more present, and more supported.
And that changes everything 💛
Love,
Nakita xxx
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